I am a hypochondriac. Only mildly affected, but still enough that every perceived health abnormality is enough to send me into a frenzy. Each bout with the common cold becomes a fight against whooping cough. Every headache, an aneurysm. My fears, coupled with an innate sense of the dramatic, give the term “blowing things out of proportion” a new meaning.
When I was 18, I noticed the gum above my right front tooth seemed, somehow, “bonier” than the left. Immediately, my mind jumped to bone cancer. Visions of my entire jaw crumpling in upon itself and rotting off terrified me. I made my ex-boyfriend call his mother, a family practitioner, at 11:30 pm to diagnose my symptoms.
Then in college, at the ripe old age of 20, I legitimately fell very ill with a kidney infection. My first task after taking the antibiotics was to start researching kidney transplants.
Part of the reason why I “eat the rainbow,” as M posted about last night, is because by eating every color, I hope to get a broad spectrum dose of all the major antioxidants and healthy nutrients. Just to cover my bases, you know, in case I fall seriously sick due to some undiscovered disease.
When Kay was visiting a few months ago, I impulsively bought this tub of Amazing Grass when we popped into a health food store. It “looks” super healthy. The woman selling it to me claimed it would do wonders for one’s body.
Today, I smashed my pinky nail into the edge of my water bottle and watched, horrified, as the tip of the nail lifted off the bed. Images of nails falling off naked, cold little pinky tips danced before my eyes. Quickly, I took a prenatal vitamin (and no, I am not pregnant nor do I wish to be, I hear it makes hair and nails grow faster and stronger).
Then, after Bikram yoga, I drank a glass of orange juice with a scoop of the green powder. It did not taste very good. At all. Gritty and grassy, the orange juice masked the taste but did nothing about the texture.
However, after downing the super-charged drink, I could feel each microscopic green particle rushing through my veins, all coalescing to restore my poor pinky nail. At least, I could vividly imagine it.
Hopefully, the Hulk-like powers of Amazing Grass will stave off the major pinky infection I am sure to contract. It better, because it sure did taste horrible.