Golden Gate bakery in Chinatown is famous for its egg custards. My grandma used to buy two dozen at a time and distribute it among the populace. So when Kay came last weekend and wanted Asian baked goods, I had to take her.

After we navigated the winding line, I spoke Mandarin Chinese to indicate the choices we wanted. Really, I just pointed and said, “That one.”

No taro-filled or flavored pastries were available (Kay’s obsessed with taro), but they did have their famous egg custards, along with coconut tarts, mochi things, and a savory-sweet fried square I can only describe as a slightly salty rice crispy treat.

We took the goods home to sample. First up, the famed tarts – the crust was flaky and shattery and totally amazing, but eggyness makes me vomit in my mouth. I passed on the innards. The sachima, a golden cube, was greasy and delicious. A little saltier than I expected, it was not the treat I remember from childhood though still good.

Then came the white roll-looking thing. I have no idea what it was, except for the singular fact that it was completely heinous. Its fake Runtesque banana flavor was horrible and the texture, exactly like a banana schlong. Just think about it. Yes, totally sick.

No more Asian pastries for me.

xoxo,

Jenn